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Cake In A Cup Recipe, with Flaked Almonds

I’m not really a cake hand though my kids and the man love their cakes.  I’d rather have a bar of Dairy Milk personally, or maybe a Green & Blacks if I feel flush.

Finding simple and easy ways to give the kids a cake led me to trying a cake in a cup a while back.  I couldn’t say I liked it, but the kids did and that’s all that matters.

Lesley Smith

Cake In A Cup – Flaked Almonds

Prep Time 5 minutes
Cook Time 3 minutes
Total Time 8 minutes
Servings: 1
Course: Baking

Ingredients
  

  • 3 tablespoons Self Raising Flour
  • 3 tablespoons Brown Sugar
  • 3 tablespoons Butter Margarine or Vegetable Oil
  • 1 Egg
  • 3 tablespoons Flaked Almonds

Method
 

  1. Crack the egg and put it into the bottom of your cup.
  2. Add in the sugar, softened butter and flour.
  3. Mix it all together with a fork until it gets to the consistency you expect for cake mix.
  4. Fold in the flaked almonds.
  5. Microwave for 2 + minutes (until the centre is fully cooked - a skewer is good to test the centre)
  6. Top with icing and sprinkles of your choice.

 

 

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Swimming Lesson Torture

child swimming

If there’s one thing that has driven me mad over the last few years, it’s been the constant competition for places on the council run swimming lessons.  You sign up, are allocated a pool which might be a fair distance away at inconvenient times, and then take little cherubs there for years on end while they learn to swim the prescribed way.  My neighbours experience filled me with dread.  After 2 years of lessons her boys still couldn’t swim and she hired a private tutor.

Standard step by step lessons doesn’t take into account the differences in children and how they learn.

I saved myself the weekly race to the allocated swimming pool and booked us into a private club for swimming lessons at a time that suited us.  We got disability living allowance for middler and reasoned that it was worth trying to get them to swim properly so that if they fell in a river, they’d at least have a fighting chance of getting back out again.

I sat regularly fuming while the parents from previous lessons took up 5 – 10 minutes of our lesson chatting about their little precious darlings, completely oblivious to the rest of us whose minutes they were nicking.   At £30 for 5 lessons at the time and only lasting 30 minutes, those 10 minutes was taking up £2 each and I had 3 kids in the lessons, so about £6 a day.  I did complain but got nowhere, so eventually gave up with it.  In total, my kids had a small fortune worth of lessons and not one of them could keep their heads up above water.

I resigned myself to trying to get them to swim myself and persuaded my water averse mother to come into the water with me and take one child while I tried to work with the other two.  I did have to splash out on some swimming caps from Zoggs for her as she wouldn’t go in the water and risk getting her hair wet.  That’s another thing – You see so many alpha women who parade the poolside and daintily coast up and down the lanes, yet never get their hair wet.  Those women are a mystery to me.

“I nearly died,” the 7-year-old dramatically exclaimed when a little water went up his nose.

“My eyes sting.” chimed in another.

So off I popped to get some eye goggles and lastly some swimming ear plugs and a nose clip each for them.

Happy that we could all safely go in the water, we spent the next year unsuccessfully trying to get them to swim.  Two of the boys managed to learn to swim pretty well underwater without taking a breath, but neither of them could master the knack of getting their heads up to take in some air.

On a wee holiday to the campsite in Huntly, Scotland, I decided to book them into the local swimming pool for summer lessons.  It was the best thing I could have done.  Rather than make the kids do it all one way, they looked at the individual children and took on board that I don’t care if they can swim properly.  I have no ambition for them to be little Tom Daly’s or Hannah Mileys, all I want is for them to be able to tread water and lift their heads for a breath.

After a few lessons at Huntly, we had the beginnings of breathing.  I also breathed with relief.

Going swimming isn’t such a chore now as I’m not trying to keep my eye on three kids who can swim underwater and think they’re invincible.

2 down, 1 to go….

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This post was sponsored by Zoggs.   It is a story from my life and has not been influenced in any way by Zoggs.   I will not benefit if you click the links, but they will take you to a sponsors website.

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Gifts For Teachers – Do or Don’t?

I’ve missed the Scottish school holiday time, but there’s always those of you in England who will be looking for some gift ideas for your teachers.  I think there are probably a lot of things that we can and can’t give to teachers to just say a little thanks for all they’ve done all year for our kiddies.

I’m not the best one at remembering to buy a gift for a teacher, but there seems to be a huge competition in some places over who can give the biggest, best, or most expensive gift.  We’ve even had requests on occasion for a £5 per child to go to a gift and in principle I don’t have a problem with that, but I do have a problem with the kids who’s parents can’t or won’t add to the kitty being left off the card and the gifts being sent.

When I have contributed to these things in the past, I believed it was for the teacher, not as some kind of mythical brownie point for parents who do contribute, so I pulled out of them a few years ago.  I asked a couple of times for the card to be from all the children, and not just those of us who’d contributed and met a deafeningly silent stony wall.  From that point I just gave up with it.

I think collections do have their place, but only if all the children are treated equally.  I have the kind of children who really struggle to get on with their teachers, so buying them a gift seems terribly uncool to them, but I have bought little trinkets in the past for them to hand over.  Whether they are appreciated or not I have no idea, but it means more to my kids to choose something little.

I got to thinking about teachers gifts due to a couple of things in the post which although weren’t really intended as gifts, they’ve ended up being little gems I can squirrel away for Christmas time.

Sally from mrsmuggs.com asked if I’d like to receive a personalised mug.  I didn’t know what I was getting, and she sent out a lovely one from her teachers gifts range.  I actually would probably not buy a teachers mug, but I am very tempted to buy some of the ones from the other ranges.

Personalised ones stand out for me, and getting one with my twitter name sounds like something I would like a fair bit (xmas pressies if anyone from my family is reading today.)

teachersmug

I wasn’t expecting a box from Border Biscuits, but as I’ve done some review work for them before, they must have decided to send me a box of their new shortbreads to try.   We got strawberry, glace cherry and cranberry & orange.  I’ve only tried the glace cherry so far but I’m sure the kids will devour some quickly enough.

If I’d had these biscuits a few weeks ago, I suspect I’d have wrapped up a packet or two to give to teachers from middler as he seems to get on with his teachers better than my other two.

Fruit Shortcake Border Biscuits

It’s quite a hard call to make.  What on earth do we give to teachers really though?  They can’t take money, and we’re not allowed to take in home baking up here, so there really is only little trinkets or things that the kids have made themselves.

I know that few parents would agree to crediting all children when only some of their parents contributed to a communal gift, so if we’re not money or kudos driven, what else can we give?

I’m not into expensive gifts so it has to be little things that just show some appreciation and nothing more.  I’ve heard of parents spending £20 on a present which I think is ridiculous, so for me, it’s all about the thought and not the price.

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Our mug and shortcake biscuits were given free of charge.  I was not obliged to write about them, and all opinions are my own. Mclaggan Smith Mugs is a Scottish based, family run company established in 1974. All mugs are manufactured to a high quality and are screen printed and fired in Scotland.  Contact Sally Simmers at Mclaggan Smith Mugs on sally@msmugs.com or T: 01389 755 655

Teacher Mug 2

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Cinder Toffee, Smothered in Chocolate

Cinder toffee is similar to the Crunchie bar we have in the UK, but also quite different in texture.  It’s quite messy to make and you really have to be quick with it or it solidifies so quickly that you can’t get it out of the pan.   Be prepared to work quickly.

There is a lot of science involved in cinder toffee, or honeycomb toffee as it is also sometimes known.  Sugar can be the ultimate comfort food with zero calories that are good for us, but still we enjoy eating it while our teeth suffer with the potential for future cavities.

Making cinder toffee is a little like the experiments we did at school, or the ones we buy our kids to show the volcano erupting when bicarbonate of soda is added to the mix.  This is made using high heat, so it’s not good for children to make it, but they can have lots of fun watching it being made.

I adapted this from a Nigella recipe that I found online, but added a little butter to make it slightly easier to work with.

Nigella calls it hokey pokey, but I guess we can all call it what we like.  There are hundreds of variations of the same recipe for cinder toffee, honeycomb and fizz in the mouth candy.

We know it more as the type of sweet that is like a Cadbury Crunchie.

It’s easy to make, though you might find some trouble in cleaning your pan afterwards, but soaking in water and washing up liquid should help with that.  Make sure you grease the cooking pan for your cinder toffee very very well, or it will stick like glue and you might need to cut it out.

Have your bicarb out and ready to be used.  There’s no time for weighing once your hot sugary mess is ready to use.

Lesley Smith

Cinder Toffee / Honeycomb

Course: Baking

Ingredients
  

  • 200 g Caster Sugar
  • 4 tablespoons Golden Syrup
  • 2 tablespoons Bicarbonate of Soda
  • 30 g Butter
  • 200 g Chocolate Bar

Method
 

  1. Weigh out your bicarb of soda and keep it separate. Make sure your tray is greased before you start to cook. Use a fairly large pan as when the mixture swells up, you could be surprised just how far it comes up the side of your pan.
  2. Put butter, caster sugar and syrup into a very thick bottomed pan and heat it gently until the sugar dissolves completely. Turn up the heat at this point and boil it without stirring for a quick boil so that the mix goes darker while it simmers and just for a few minutes. Don't let the mixture go too dark or it will begin to burn. Don't take your eyes off the pan, or let children come near it as it is boiling sugar and sugar hurts if it comes into contact with any living thing.
  3. Now for the science bit. Take it off the heat, put the bicarbonate of soda in and quickly but calmly stir the mixture. Don't be too vigorous or you might end up with a few sugar burns, and those hurt, believe me. The mix will swell up as the chemical reaction takes place. At this point, you'll be glad you didn't use a small pan. Keep children at a safe distance.
  4. Pour the mixture into your pre-greased tin and leave it to set for a few hours. Depending on the size of tin you use, your cinder toffee could be ready to eat in minutes. If the layer in your tin is thick, it will take a fair while to cool.
  5. Once it's cool, melt your chocolate in a microwave or double pan method (or just put a heat proof plate on the top of simmering water in a pan, and put the chocolate in the plate). Dip your cut up pieces of cinder toffee into the chocolate and leave to cool.

 

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Win a 1stFone or OwnFone – Closes 25th July 2013 – Perfect for young children, elderly and disabled.

1stfonecomp

In conjunction with 1stFone, I am giving a phone on my blog.  It’s a fabulous peace of mind gadget for a young child or an elderly person who struggles with regular phones.

I wrote about the 1stFone we received a few weeks ago and how great it has been for my special needs boy who can’t read or write, yet can still use this phone.

I don’t have any problems with young children having a means of getting themselves help rather than approaching a stranger if they are in trouble.

I’ve always told my boys that if they get lost, they are to go to the nearest person who looks like a mother with kids.  While it’s not 100% foolproof, I do feel like the path of least danger is in the harassed mother whose heartstrings will be pulled and will remain at the scene until someone the boys trusts gets to them.

Very young children could have one of these phones tucked into a t-shirt or jumper and give them the confidence that if they find themselves alone, the first port of call is the phone stashed safely away for emergencies.  Not that it is just a phone for emergencies as my boy is loving being able to just have a phone of his own, even if it can only dial out the pre-set numbers that we installed on it.  They can only call the numbers you approve on the phone and it doesn’t use the Internet, nor can t text.

Our one is such a fabulous success that I’ve partnered with 1stFone to offer one lucky person a free handset with the first month of 50 minutes free.  If the winner wishes to continue with the phone, they will need to agree to a monthly contract, or can choose to go pay as you go.  The winner will be able to keep the phone, and will be able to choose from a 1stFone or OwnFone for seniors.  Either phone could be used for special needs children and adults who can’t manage regular phones.

The giveaway deadling is the 25th July at midnight so get your entries in.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

The Rules

  1. Open to UK Mainland Entrants only.
  2. The prize will be delivered and you must give us your address to send it to you.
  3. Winners will be notified within 3 days of giveaway end. If the winner does not respond within 7 days, a new winner will be drawn.
  4. The winner will be chosen by Rafflecopter random generator.
  5. OwnFone / 1stFone reserves the right to amend, add or withdraw this giveaway at any time.
  6. Each entry method entitles you to one entry into the draw.
  7. You may tweet daily.  Each tweet counts as a rafflecopter entry, only if you enter it into the rafflecopter widget daily.
  8. The prize will be for one 1stFone or OwnFone with one month of 50 inclusive minutes.  After the month is up, you will need to buy airtime, or continue a contract to enable it to continue working.  You will be required to set up a direct debit as part of the process of ordering and designing your winning phone and it will be used if you plan to continue using the 1stFone or OwnFone after your trial period, or first 50 minutes are used up.
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The Great Family Road Trip – My Scottish Favourites

Tesco Magazine asked bloggers for our favourite recommendations for the best places to visit, eat and stay around the UK.  As we’re mobile with our own home from home, we tour around Scotland regularly and there are always lots of things to see and do in our local area.  We don’t have much in the way of the big commercial campsites that England has, but we do have fabulous scenery and great things to do.

There are lots of well located campsites that anyone can visit, and with great facilities.  It always pays to check out the reviews before we visit anywhere to make sure we’re happy with where we plan to sleep, so helping out with this campaign to build a road trip interactive map is a welcome new initiative for me.

Here are my tips for some great places up in Scotland to visit.  It’s lovely to see my tips published on the Tesco Magazine website and I’m delighted to have been asked to contribute some of our favourites from our neck of the woods.

Deer 1

A road trip brings memories from us all of great holidays, the open road and taking things easy, but it isn’t always easy to know where to go and visit.  Tesco Magazine is pulling together the best of places to eat, stay, visit, woodland trusts, events and local producers to help us all decide.

To find great places to go around the UK, visit the tescomagazine.com/The Great Family Road Trip pages to find out about locations around the UK as it grows.  You can even add your own favourites on the map as well as download maps and facts.  Recommendations from people we trust are a good way to help us plan where we go and what we do.

There is even a kids corner which has games and pictures to download and keep the kids entertained in the car while you travel.

Why don’t you get involved?  We did.

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Featured Guest Post: An ideal family holiday.

Parkdean

If you’d asked me ten years ago what my ideal holiday consisted of, it would probably have involved a hot beach on an island in the Med, or somewhere further flung if I could afford it and to take a decent length of time off work.

However, having children has changed my view of what an ideal family holiday is.  Suddenly, there doesn’t seem to be a need to flee the country at every opportunity – maybe too much time spent in departure lounges with toddlers and children under the age of ten has cured me of that!  Now I really appreciate the value of packing up the car and heading a couple of hours down the road to our destination.

With our picky eaters, self-catering is definitely the way to go, and the last couple of years we’ve opted to spend our summer holiday at one of those caravan holiday parks.  Not that we have a static caravan, or could really say we’ve ever been true campers.  In fact, the idea of staying under canvas doesn’t sound like fun to me.  But what we do instead is book one of the mobile homes or cottages on the caravan park that are available to rent.

Staying in self-catering accommodation doesn’t mean that you have to be chained to the kitchen all week while you’re supposed to be relaxing.  It just makes life easier for meals like breakfast and for making up picnics if you have your own kitchen. Of course, you don’t have to use it – you can eat out whenever you feel like it.  My kids surely can’t be the only ones who find it hard to sit still in restaurants and we find that eating a couple of meals in our holiday residence makes for a more relaxing break overall.

The great thing about staying on a holiday park is that you get all the facilities and conveniences of staying on a campsite, without having to trek to and from the sanitation block in the middle of the night or to do the washing up!  The kids have entertainment on tap – with kids’ clubs and lots of other families staying on the same site, so there’s always someone to play with on the adventure playground or in the swimming pool.  These days, whichever holiday park you choose tends to have a heated swimming pool as standard, which gives you a great option on the days it rains.  There are often other activities to get involved in too – like learning a new sport or quiz nights in the evenings. And having the kids occupied means that my husband and I can take it easy and actually get time to do those things you never do – like read a trashy paperback cover to cover!

The holiday parks I’ve considered booking always seem to be ideally placed for activities in the local area.  Invariably, they’re in a picturesque spot where you would have to pay dearly to get the same location with a private holiday cottage, and it means that you can get to the sea, lake or mountains – whichever you’ve chosen to be close to – quickly and easily, whenever you feel like going ‘off-site’ for the day.

If you’ve never tried the holiday park option, and are a little unsure whether it would work for you, it’s worth booking a three day weekend as a trial run.  That way, you’ll know whether it’s your cup of tea or not.  My guess is that you’ll be pleasantly surprised!

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Although this is  a featured post and I have been compensated for it, we do regularly visit Parkdean holiday parks and it’s a perfect post for my wee blog.

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Review: Who needs a phone for little ones? or for disability? We do….

If I listened to all the hype I’ve heard over the years, I could be forgiven for thinking that mobile phones were the root of all evil and parents giving a mobile phone to a child under the age of 13 should be shot as bad parents of the year.

I have never understood how children aged 4 + often go to friends, parks at the end of the road, walk to shops or more, all alone, and all phone free.  Fast forward to age 13, when teens get a mobile to mix with the real world – these same kids suddenly have to make themselves available at every beck and call on the end of a dring dring.

I really don’t understand how people can cope with their under 13’s ruling the roads and having no idea where they are, with no way of getting help if things go wrong, yet when they magically turn the age of their parental consent, they have to check in at every available opportunity.  Perhaps it’s having special needs children that makes me more worried about how they will cope if they get lost.  I’m not entirely sure, but I do know I’m all in favour of phones from early ages.

The opportunity came along to trial a new phone for little ones and while two of my children are well above the age for basic phones, I have one special needs child who can’t cope with a regular phone and who really really wanted one.

1stfone

I was a little worried as he can’t read at all yet and I wasn’t sure quite how well he’d cope with it.  We’ve had our phone for a couple of weeks now and he’s mastered which buttons to use for what so if he gets himself into a pickle, we can phone him and he can just work through his 8 numbers until he gets to someone who can help him.

We usually struggle with Vodafone in our area as the signal isn’t great and often non existent on smartphones, but this is managing to pick up a signal no problem around here.

1stfone

It’s a dinky wee thing and just the size of his hand and very easy to use.  I think it’s the perfect phone for little ones, and it comes with a lanyard so they can hang it around their necks and tuck it into t-shirts, blouses or jumpers to keep it out of the way.

I do think it’s a great solution for the many special needs and disabled children who can’t manage a regular phone, and 1stFone are coming out with picture buttons soon where we can simply have pictures of the people they can phone instead of the texts.  The important thing for it is that they can only dial the numbers of the people who have been programmed on the phone and it can’t text or get onto the Internet.  I feel happier knowing that he can’t dial random strangers with it and it really is a peace of mind thing.

Kids can tailor the phone to suit themselves with colours, and designs on the website, so they can have theirs personalised and with their own names on it.  I’ve had to blot out the names of my lads carers as they can’t go online, but you can see how ours was designed in the photo.

A few people who have seen his phone have been fascinated and shown a lot of interest.  We’ve already decided that ours will stay hooked up in the Scottish Mum household after out trial period is up.  There is no way he is going to let us do away with his own phone now.

His carers are getting used to phone calls coming through to them.  They don’t mind at all and he’s delighted that he can phone me, his dad and his grandma just like his brothers can.  If his carers change, all I need to do is phone 1stfone and they’ll reprogramme those slots for me and send out new cover labels.  It’s fab.

I have to say a huge thank you to 1stFone for letting us trial this, as it’s absolutely brilliant.  I couldn’t imagine how I was ever going to be able to get him a phone as he can’t read, but this does it beautifully.  I’d have no hesitation in giving this to a young child or special needs youngsters out and about as a just in case.

 

 

 

 

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Lactofree Cream Cheese Stuffed Chicken Breast – (Bag Roasted)

This is one of the ultimate easy fast foods.  Perfect for a lunch or just for a treat.  This lactofree cream cheese stuffed chicken breast is make by using a simple roasting bag and then adding some herbs on the top.  I think this will be served up next time I have others to cook for at a lunchtime.

Lesley Smith

Lactofree Cream Cheese Stuffed Chicken Breast – (Bag Roasted)

Prep Time 5 minutes
Total Time 5 minutes
Course: Mains

Ingredients
  

  • Chicken Breast Fillets 1 Per Person
  • Chives
  • Rainbow Peppercorns
  • Nutmeg
  • 2 tablespoons Cream Cheese I used Lactofree Cream Cheese
  • Tomatoes To serve
  • Roasting Bag

Method
 

  1. Put your chicken breasts into a roasting bag and into the oven at 200 degrees for approximately 40 minutes for large chicken breasts, or 25 minutes for small ones. Ensure they are fully cooked.
  2. Simply take the chicken breasts out of the roasting bag and spoon a teaspoon or two of juices over the top of your chicken breast to keep it moist. Save the rest of the juices if there are enough to make stock, or freeze for another day.
  3. Slice the chicken breast down the middle and simply spoon in the cream cheese.
  4. Grate peppercorns over the top of the cream cheese, close the chicken breast and sprinkle with chopped chives.
  5. Lastly, a half teaspoon of nutmeg sprinkled across the top of the chicken gives the look of barbequed or fried chicken. Garnish and serve.

Notes

Be free with this recipe and don't hold to the ingredient amounts. Just add enough of whichever spice or herb you like to taste and enjoy.

 

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Featured Guest Post: 7 Steps to Keep Your Child Safe Online

Baby Computer

The internet is a wonderful way for our children to learn and play.  But as every parent knows, it can be a dangerous place too.  Even if you lock your security settings as tightly as possible, you can still download viruses and be targeted by spammers and scams.

There’s an even riskier human element to the web as well.  People target families to steal identities and money, and predators often pretend to be children and teenagers to target kids in chat rooms, games and social networks.

The best way to protect children from this is to supervise them whenever they’re online.  But with so many devices now able to access the internet, it’s impossible to monitor children all the time.  Even children as young as 3-5 years-old are now going online independently by using the family laptop or tablet.

So what can you do to teach your child how to be safe online?  What should they do to protect themselves? Here are seven steps which should help…

1. Thinking about the internet as a place

A great tip to help teach your child about the dangers of the internet is to imagine the web as a physical place.  You don’t have to go into specifics, but try to make them realise that there are bad neighbourhoods online the same as there are in ‘real’ life. What are bad neighbourhoods? You’ll often recognise them by the ads for gambling sites, drugs and even pornography. Make sure they’re aware that it’s bad to end up on these sites, and they shouldn’t wander off there on their own online if they do end up unsupervised.

2. Giving out personal details

Teach your children that they shouldn’t hand out personal information when they’re playing games or chatting to other kids online. It might feel natural for them to post instant messages explaining where they live or what their phone number is, but explain that this is dangerous. Even if the person they’re communicating with is genuine, these personal details may not stay in the right hands.

3. Accepting online communications

If your child starts using a social gaming site and begins striking up friendships, they may start sending instant messages, emails, texts and photos to each other. Children need to be very careful about this. An innocent-looking message could contain bullying messages, or messages from adults pretending to be a child. And both kids and their parents need to careful about downloading and opening attachments containing viruses that will harm your computer – downloading the latest virus protection software will help protect against this.

4. Meeting up with strangers

It might feel normal for children to arrange a meeting when they’re been playing games together or chatting online. But make it clear that your kids should meet up with people they’ve only talked to on the internet. It’s vital that your children understand that online friends are still ‘strangers’ if they haven’t met them in real life.

5. Deciding if something is reliable

Young children are incredibly trusting and honest. While this is an admirable trait that many adults wish they’d held onto better, it means that kids aren’t equipped to judge whether people or information they encounter online is reliable or not. Teach your kids how to check out whether things are real or lies by reading other websites, in books or by asking someone who knows.

6. Telling adults about online concerns

It’s important for kids to tell adults if someone is being bullied or feeling worried in the physical world, and the same principles apply on the internet.  It’s even easier for bullies to target victims online, as they can harass other children anonymously and from a distance.  And sometimes other children or profiles will talk to kids in a way that seems suspicious or makes them feel uncomfortable.  Again, it’s vital in this situation that children know to tell parents, teachers or other responsible grown-ups that they’re worried.

7. Talking about the online experience

The internet doesn’t go away just because you power down the laptop, and children’s experience of being online can stay with them long after a session has ended.  Sometimes kids might be upset about something that has happened online and not let on, so it’s a good idea to talk with your children regarding how they felt about their time online.  You don’t need a blow-by-blow account, but this is a good way to get a handle on whether anything is concerning them online – or whether they’ve been doing anything risky.

These steps are in many ways just the tip of the iceberg.  There are many in-depth guides to help you keep your children safe online, but this advice should help give you a foundation to start building safe internet behaviour.  To read more about internet safety for kids go to Childnet.com.
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This is a featured guest post.  Although this content of this post is one that I have received compensation for my time in editing and posting, the content is a very real issue that our children face on a daily basis.  We’d do well to consider the content and remind ourselves of the obligations we have to our children and keeping them as safe as we possibly can.

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Featured Post: Going online for the first time is scary for over 50’s.

The confident woman standing in front of me posed first to the right and then to the left.  I stood with my camera in hand and giggled while I took her pictures and smiled at her ability to laugh once more.

My friend found herself alone in her early fifties with three young children when she thought her life was mapped out in front of her.

Lorna was devastated when her husband upped and left just before Christmas a couple of years ago and she just got on with things.

Although she stayed in Aberdeen, she moved home and slowly began to rebuild her life.  I’ve long admired her for her ability to get through the tough times and she’s emerging brighter, better and more confident than I have ever seen her before.  There are times that I look at her and I have no idea how she does it all.

Lorna recently decided that she doesn’t want to be alone for the rest of her life and that’s a revelation for her.  I never thought I’d hear her saying that she was ready to move on, but where on earth do you start when you are over 50 and up in the North East of Scotland – which is really more like a little village than a big city to the locals?

She’d started going out now and then in the town, but found that she was being propositioned by what she thought were married men just out to see what they could find for the evening.  She wasn’t ready for a relationship and was just out once a month to get out of the house.  She found herself putting back on her wedding rings so that the men who approached her would think she was a married woman out with her friends for an evening.  I’ve not been in town in the evening for well over a decade, and I’ve been married for nearly two, so I’m well out of touch with how the town or dating scene works these days.  To be honest, the thought of dating scares me silly nowadays and I’ve enjoyed just sitting back, relaxing and listening to her adventures from a safe place.

I think she found it hard going as having young children and being a single mum is really not something you want to publicise in case it attracts the wrong kind of person, but neither does she want to lie.  Some ads in the paper saying things like “single mum of two under fives” are not what she would be comfortable doing, and we think that is just like waving a honey pot at a bee.  The hotspots for singles over a certain age are looked at more as a place to go for a laugh than actually find a new partner so that is out of the question.

There have been lots of conversations around what she would do if she finds someone she wants to meet, and she slips the odd sentence in here and there when she is talking to the kids.  It’s only something simple like “now if I’m going to meet a new partner, I’m going to have to get my hair, my nails and my face lifted.”  They all laugh and are very relaxed about it.   I’ve no doubt her kids will find it tough if she does find a new partner, but they’ve accepted her ex-husbands new partner with ease.  It’s a big worry for her and she’s trying to slowly get them round to the idea that at some point in their lives, they may meet a new male role model.

The world is different now to when we were younger and single.  The Internet that dominates most of my daily life seems to have taken the place of socialising, even up here in Scotland.  For me, that would be easy enough, but Lorna is different and as technologically challenged as you can get.  Just looking at a computer is enough to set off a hyperventilating attack, but for the sake of her kids’ futures, we’ve been spending some time getting her used to using a computer and not to be scared of one.  I also hoped that she would become interested in online dating, as a few of my other friends had mentioned using the site eHarmony.co.uk to find themselves a partner.

We started slowly by just getting e-mail, then moved on to some searches on Google.  She’s not there yet, but she is slowly becoming more proficient with her computer and looking for more ways to get her enmeshed in the online world. She’s still frightened of the Internet as she inches forward into the anonymous and challenging world online.  She realises that using computers will become a regular part of her daily life as she helps her kids to grow.

She’s begun talking about mixing online with dating which is a new angle for her and one that I am sure she will come too soon.  The social media aspect of the Internet is one that I am comfortable with, but she is not.  She resists Facebook and Twitter and no amount of persuading her that timelines and chats will be dictated by her has made her comfortable with it.  I can see that I am never going to be able to share my blogging or twitter addictions with her, but she’s realised that the online world can open up a world that she would never reach as a single mum bringing up her kids alone. Not only will online dating give her the time she needs to build her confidence, she can tailor her search to meet like-minded people who are also looking for dating in Scotland.

I wish her the best of luck, as she’s doing a fabulous job.

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