Category: Lifestyle

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Handmade Candles – Smelly Heaven – Candlemaking for Mummy Bloggers

It’s about time I introduced one of my hobbies – my smelly heaven of candlemaking.  I absolutely love the scents and smells of burning candles.  Spring, Summer, Autumn, or Winter, I love, love, love them.

I started out by buying the ready mades you get in supermarkets, but they just didn’t cut it for me.  They either burned right down the middle, or they  burned too fast, or the scent was just awful.

I soon cottoned onto the partylite / yankee type candles which burn pretty well, and smell pretty good as well.  The only thing was, that the amount of candles I wanted to burn, I pretty much would have had to rob a bank to pay for my growing habit.

My next step was to move onto looking into how to make them for myself.  My first attempts at candlemaking were a complete and utter disaster if I am honest.  They either ended up too large, or too small wicks, or the wrong mix of scent to wax, and then I CRACKED IT.   

I found myself a fabulous formula for my wax and additives, and my candles all turn out fantastically.  I even make them with soy, and potter about decorating some of them.  I will put up more pictures over time of things I make, and how to get the best out of the ones you buy, but for now, this is just an introduction to my “hobby”.

If anyone is interested, I may even give you the recipes for some easy start candles to make yourself.  Apologies for the dark photographs as the only camera I had on hand this morning was my phone.

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Foetal Alcohol in Newborn Babies – Do you know the possibilities?

I have had much to do with this issue recently.  I am aware of the effects, the guidance and the common sense.  Having never been pregnant, I have no idea how I would have reacted to drinking alcohol if I was pregnant, but what I do know is, that it is worrying when someone who is 7 months pregnant tells you to lay off when you query how much they are drinking, and tells you that if they drink 10 alcopops a day, that it is nobody else’s business, because it is “their” body.  You do begin to wonder where the rights and wrongs of the legal status of the new baby to come really are.

Do you know how much alcohol is too much when you are pregnant?

Do you know how you would live with a child who has either foetal alcohol effect, or foetal alcohol syndrome? 

Would you be able to control the situation, or would you wash your hands and walk away?

WHAT IS FOETAL ALCOHOL?

It is not just any one disorder, but it has a spectrum of degree, similar to autism, in the depth of severity.  The syndrome itself will usually show facial abnormalities, failure to catch up with their peers, and mental problems with learning difficulties and impulsiveness.

The effect, is a milder form of the disease, however just as difficult to live with, and may or may not have facial deformities.     It is said to be the most common reason for mental and behavioural problems with children, however, that can never be proven. 

Babies with foetal alcohol can be delayed, cry excessively, have weak grasp with trouble sucking and feeding.  Brain damage can even lead to epilepsy.

Approximately 70% of FAS children have very severe hyperactivity and often poor behaviour, head banging, rolling, or rocking.  It is possible that they could also be diagnosed with ADHD, or Attachment Disorder, or actually a few other things – when we are really talking about foetal alcohol effect.  There are so many disorders that “could” be attributed to similar symptoms.

IS YOUR BABY AT RISK?

Usually, the more alcohol that is drunk, the higher the risk of damage.   What that does not take into account is the genetic, or predisposition to the possibility. 

Women tend to keep prolonged alcohol use secret, and it is difficult to get help if nobody knows that someone drinks.  It is hard to say if a few drinks, or a few binges will affect any one child growing in the womb. 

My point is, why take the risk of learning difficulties, behavioural issues, deformities and the life struggle that it brings, when it is easy to take the possibility out of the equation by simply not drinking?

I have spent much time with foetal alcohol children.  Did you know that any alcohol that is drunk, passes easily to the foetus, and every growing baby is at risk as their liver is not able to absorb the toxins.

I have not put any guidelines down, as they change frequently.  The only thing that people can be sure of, is that you don’t know how much alcohol will affect any one baby.   All parents of special needs children worry that it is something that they did that caused the disabilities, so why people take the risk of being able to flog themselves for life with the possibility they caused a disability is beyond me. 

There is nothing anyone can do about a session of hard drinking  before they know they are pregnant, but surely, once people know they are pregnant, it is silly to keep on going and taking the risk.   

How many people live with the “it won’t happen to us” motto?

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School Trips and Gadgets – Opinions Please??

I am all for school trips and I think they are good for children, but there are times when I wonder if schools really have lost the plot.   They seem to think that pupils’ parents have a never ending pot of money to spend out.

I don’t mind the triple whammy of:

  1. cinema outings & shows
  2. museum and event trips
  3. sun cream
  4. uniform
  5. school shoes
  6. gym shoes
  7. gym kit
  8. book fairs (well I do, but that’s another story, more aimed at the people who organise and man the stalls)
  9. toy fairs (I might talk about that this week as well since it is relevant tomorrow)
  10. xmas present shelves
  11. xmas cards (sending a pack home your child has drawn and pretty much holding a gun to your head to buy them) 
  12. dinner lady white tickets you have to pay for, even if you gave your child a packed lunch that day.

 I can forgive almost all of those as ideas that might be appropriate, if they were dealt with slight modifications to how some of them are done at the moment.

My oldest was away with the school for 1 night in April.  It cost £85 and they had to be given £15 spending money.  

A couple of months later, they want another £300 for him to go for a 5 night residential sports outing.   On top of that, there will be spending money and lots of other clothes etc.

I can take my whole family away in the caravan for a fortnight for that price.  I have said no, that he is not going on the trip.    This now makes my son the odd one out, as it seems that out of a year of 70 odd primary children, he is the only one not going.  To top that off, he has also been given £5.00 to take home to start a car wash / baking initiative to help grow that fiver to take a little of the cost down for those who are going.  He has been included in it, even though he is not going.  He is asking the teacher if he is going to be allowed to keep anything above the £5 he earns since he is not going.

I am immensely proud of my boy for how he has taken not going away with his class.  My reasons are not purely monetary, as on the last trip away for the night, they put with two boys who are much more streetwise.   They proceeded to describe 18 horror films in-depth and I guess you can get the picture, along with the not doing anything your parents say as it’s “your life”.    He came home after one night away and it took us all about a month to recover and reset the boundaries.   I am not ready to go through that again. 

Then comes the news that the kids are all going to be issued IPad 2’s next year, which all parents will have to pay for on a monthly subscription.  Now understand, that all the kids have been told they are going to get these things, and nobody has asked the parents if they are willing to pay for it.   I have two children at that school, so that will be about £25 – 30 month they want me to pay (and have told my kids they will get).   My boys are coming home more and more excited at when it is all going to happen, and all I know is that I am going to be expected to find about £360 a year for something we hadn’t planned for.  

I have decided that the ipad2 are more important long-term, given the way the school plans using them than one week of activities.  I am budgeting for affording that, and our trips away which we need as a family with high needs children.

Logically I do know it is the right decision for us as a family, but why, oh why, do I feel so guilty for not letting him go on that trip?

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What age is appropriate for pierced ears ?

Many of you won’t have come across this issue yet.    It is one that has many parents from all walks of life debating on the rights and wrongs, or the reasons for and against.

I am against and I also have pierced ears. 

So why, oh why did I agree to boyo here getting an ear pierced when he was 10 years old ?

Lets look at it this way.  Boyo spends a lot of his life missing out on things that he should be able to take part in as he has a brother with a disability.    He spends his life defending his brother on one hand, while also feeling resentful and upset at what he misses out on.

He really, really wanted his ear pierced, and because I say no to so many things that he asks to do, I had to think hard.  I skirted around the subject for a couple of weeks, saying neither yes, or no.  I exaggerated how painful it was to get done and regaled him of tales of festering, pain and misery.   One day I looked at his face, animated as it was while he was asking for this one thing from me.  I realised that it  is not an issue at all.   This was one thing that I could say yes to, and make him happy.

Some people may not like it, and I certainly don’t.   It did however give him a massive boost to his confidence and his face has beamed with pride wearing his ear-ring since the day it was done.   For his confidence, it was worth every second of disapproving looks that come our way.  If he needs to, he can take it out for jobs and interviews as he grows older, and he may decide on his own to remove it. 

He knows it will be the one ear-ring and I am not going to agree to multiple piercings.  Having the ear done has certainly done away with any talk of future piercings in other bodily places.

Was it the right thing to do?  Yes it was.  It’s a non-issue. 

A twitter pal said to me that she couldn’t argue with her daughters request for pierced ears with just the reason that mum didn”t like it.  I agree with that.  There are soo many other battles that need to be won in the parenting department, that are actually important. 

Then it comes down to the appropriate age. 

  • I am glad the issue didn’t come up pre 10.
  • I am glad my other two don’t want an ear pierced.
  • I am glad I don’t face the girl child debate for both ears done pre-school.    

I will never forget my mums words as I grew up pleading for my ears to be pierced. 
“If you were meant to have holes in your body, then you’d have been born with them.”

Well lets see.  If we were meant to wear make up.  If we were meant to dye our hair.  If we were meant to wear high heels.  If we were meant to be free of underarm hair.  If we were meant to have a tan.   Where does it start and where does it stop?

What do you think?  Where do you sit on the piercing debate?

I certainly don’t know what the “right” age to have a piercing is.  I don’t think there is one.

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Another Big Idea – Fruit and Veg – Grow Yer Ain

I really have no idea what came over me, but I have decided to have a go at growing a few bits and bobs.   It all started out in Sainsburys with their little tubs for childen to grow strawberries and tomatoes.  They’re cute, they’re sweet, and after a little humming and heying, I went for it.   The kids were actually quite excited about it all and with serious faces, they all took their turn, and we now have some little seeds in pots waiting to grow before I put them outside.

 My boys really did enjoy doing these.  Putting in the little pellets, and seeing them grow to fill the pots as they added the water was surprising.  I really didn’t think that they would enjoy it at their age.    The sticks were duly written on with the date and the type of seed on it.  I am just hoping that they are as keen to keep looking after the plants once they begin to come through.

The only problem for me is, that once I start getting into things, I tend to take them to completely over the top levels, so I have been out shopping for more.  First in line was a few seeds to add to a new propagator.  Sweetcorn, melon, and peas have made their way to teensy little pots that we are watering and checking by the hour for signs of growth.

Whats next for my boys and I?  More plantlings, that’s for sure.  We had lots of fun sorting, picking and watering the seeds.  They are interested in them because they feel responsible for starting them off.

Wish us luck…….

That some of the seeds grow ……………

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ADHD Mythological Pathways

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After seeing a few tweets and posts surrounding ADHD and the stereotypical way they have been described, I feel compelled to “right” what I see as a wrong.

ADHD is a condition that affects the brain. There is a chemical called dopamine in the brain. In ADHD children, that chemical is lacking or low. It causes the brain to misread signals and signs, and makes it difficult for children to calm their brains long enough to take in much of what is going on around them.

It also leads to increased frustration as many of the children who suffer are normal or high intelligence, but simply can’t focus long enough on something to be able to fully grasp the correct meaning.

Loud noises can irritate and distract them, to such a level that they are in pain. Their brains can often suffer with short term memory loss, but once something has passed into the long term memory, it is usually there to stay.

Children with ADHD on its own tend to be socially excluded on many levels. They can make inappropriate responses as their brain is just getting to the answer of the first question someone asked, when the asker is now on Q3.

They often lack the ability to think before they speak or act.

Women could relate more if they could imagine their hormones all out of whack – all the time, and multiply that effect many times.

Far too often, I see, hear, or read about people who think it is an excuse for bad behaviour.

They often also seem to think that Ritalin is a drug that calms down bad behaviour.

Those of you who have read this far are either interested, or keen to find out more. Well done for wanting to understand of a condition that is hyped out for the wrong reasons.

To finish, I am going to take the Ritalin debate. People who don’t know, seem to think it is prescribed to “calm down” badly behaved children.

That is completely the wrong impression. For ADHD children (and adults) and with other disabilities with similar brain issues, the medicine replaces the dopamine that is missing in the brain, and appears to calm children down. It doesn’t. What it does, is like insulin to a diabetic and replaces what the body is missing so that you see them on the same level as their non ADHD peers.

Give Ritalin to a child who is not ADHD,  and with a normal dopamine level, and it will actually make that child hyperactive – the drug would be adding extra to their normal level of dopamine. Think giving a normal child massive levels of sugar.

If you give an ADHD child too much Ritalin, then it will also hype them out. It can be a case of trial and error to hit on the right dose, as each child who suffers can have a different level of dopamine missing.

I hope I have done my bit to dispel some of the myths running around about ADHD, and if you have any questions, feel free to get in touch. People using ADHD as an excuse to run a child down should think about how much damage that does to real families coping with a real medical issue.

So there you have it.

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Eating Out – Childrens’ Portions

I am guessing that you are all sitting waiting for some huge revelation into the type of food (or packet gunk) that they might be serving up, but no, that is not what has me champing at the bit when we eat out.

Picture this

Small fingers, trying to manipulate knives and forks that are not fully compatible with the small hands that are trying to hold them the same way that mum and dad do. 

The plate is small, and the food is tightly packed onto the plate.  With no room for manoeuvre, the food spins out of control, whirrs off the plate and invariably ends up on someones’ clothes.

How difficult is it to give a young child a plate that is big enough for them to use their cutlery.

I’d love to tell the PR and media types who deal with restaurant chains, hotel kitchen outlets and supermarket food courts that they are not fooling anyone into thinking there is more on the plate, simply because it is miniature sized.

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Potty Training – What do I wish I had known?

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How many parents have read Gina Ford, or other parenting bibles, and instantly felt their hearts sinking in despair at what an awful mother / father they are? 

Looking back on it, what do I wish I had known about potty training??    NADA, NOWT, NOTHING    I wish I had never bought a parenting book.  I wish I had never listened to all the “I potty trained my daughter at 9 months, look how clever we are na na na na na brigade, as they look down their expensively designed sunglasses, and flutter their pretend real lashes.” 

What do the “experts” know about baby development anyway?     

The majority of the ones who tried to give me advice on my children were childless, or had children without special needs, and their experience was theoretical, or  based on their babysitting skills with relatives and friends children.   I really didn’t know ANY other mums back then. 

I look back and wonder why I listened to “the experts”.  I wonder why I felt so inadequate when I couldn’t get my children to fit into these moulds that society was telling me that they should have slotted into.    I couldn’t understand why my round pegs didn’t fit into the neat square boxes that made up the whole of the “right” way to parent a child, and ensure they were raised to be happy and healthy.

My biggest bugbear was the toilet training lark.  No1 was a blur.   He was potty training while I was learning to juggle two others in nappies and he had to come off them for my sanity.  I have no idea how long it took to do, and that was pre parental bible bowing and scraping, but I don’t remember it being that long.

Being a challenge to change nappies so often, I bought several parental tomes.  I decided to take their advice and I began potty training N02 when he turned 18 months.   Much ado with praise, bribery, silly high pitched voices,  mucho clapping and clever boying.     

 I would sit No2 on the potty, and try to change the nappy of No3.  Before I knew it, No2 would be running along the corridor, weeing on the way.  No3 would then giggle and whip off his happy to join in.  I’d catch No2 and sit him back down, he would then get back up, put him back, up he got.  Yo-yo city.  It was the single most stressful thing I remember as a parent.   To all of you who potty trained in a few weeks, and think you have been dealt a hard blow, get over yourselves – it is your child who was ready. 

No3 I was fit for.  I couldn’t face the potty training so “drum roll please,”  I just didn’t bother, AT ALL   I put it off, and off, and off, and off.   It was getting dangerously close to the time when he should have been starting nursery, and I was beginning to get to the slightly panicky stage that he might not get to go, but I needn’t have worried. 

At the age of nearly 3, he duly saw a friends child go to the toilet, and he decided he would never wear a nappy again.   He didn’t use a potty, and went straight to a toilet.  It was so easy, I could write a book on potty training. 

What do I say to the rule books?  

GO AWAY

You’re a waste of time and money, and people could be playing with their children rather than reading up on whether they might or might not be doing things the “right” way.

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Children and Animals can Die in Vans and Cars

It’s got to the time of year again when I find myself struggling with a small proportion of my fellow humans as I go out and about. It stresses me to the point of irrationality, and really gets my back up.

When it starts to get warmer outside and out pops Mr Sunlight, the animals that have spent the winter hibernating at their pathetically selfish and lazy owners request begin to appear again.

That aside, some of these fair weather dog walkers seem to think it’s ok to take their beloved to the supermarket, or the library, or the local MacDonalds, or the pub, or their work, and leave them there. They think that it’s ok to leave a window open an inch or two and that their faithful canine friends will be ok. On some occasions, they may be.

Is it worth the risk?

It only takes 20 minutes for a child or a dog to die a horrendous death in a hot car. And it doesn’t have to be blistering hot outside for the inside of a car to literally boil them to death from the inside out. Is that the kind of death you want for your child or your best friend.

Every year I come across self-centred, egotistical it won’t happen to me types, who think it is ok in hot weather to leave their dogs. Each time I feel compelled to stay and make sure the dog is ok. If you are one of the several I have called the authorities over, then that is just tough. I’d rather you hated me for reporting you, than risk the life of a dog that I could have saved from an awful death.

A woman at one of the local shops last week left her baby in a car with the engine running, and her handbag on the front seat and was happily queuing inside the shop for more than ten minutes. She got angry when she was challenged about how dangerous that was for the heat, and for the possibility of theft.

My children have had the SSPCA at school. They have been made aware of the dangers of animals and children in hot cars. Seeing a dog left while their owners totter off upsets them. It upsets me.

Don’t risk it.