Posted on 17 Comments

I’ve a confession to make.

Yes, I have.  Through stress, and under active thyroid and diabetes, over the spell of a few years, I gained a bunch of weight, and I mean a whole bunch.

100lbs if I’m to be exact.

Last June, I was diagnosed and put on meds for my diabetes and for my underactive thyroid.  The thought of losing a limb or going blind terrified me, but the possibility of losing was daunting.  I’d reached as low a point as I could go.

Yet, I didn’t really share.  How could I?  I met many of my fellow bloggers in 2011, in London, but have not met any since.

My circle has shrunk and shrunk, and while my kids are part of the reason, they’re not the reason I turned down a lovely TV company on their offer of being part of something awesome.  My weight gain was also the reason there have been so few photos of me over the last few years.   I’ve avoided the camera like the proverbial plague.

So, last June 2015, I kick started my change.  To stay alive and keep my limbs, I needed to get in control of my life.  Having my thyroid balanced again made a huge difference, and instead of maintaining and often gaining at sometimes calorie levels of 800-1000 a day, suddenly, eating 1200 calories a day meant I was losing weight which helps with the diabetes.

Having a medical condition may have been responsible for me gaining weight, but I have still had to put the work in to lose it, and it’s been a long haul so far.

I’ve lost weight in the past, pre online diet websites, and I used to track using a spreadsheet.  This time round, I took My Fitness Pal seriously, and it’s free, so I had nothing to lose by starting to log my food.  I started off being majorly stupid.  Going down to 300-400 calories a day, and all low carb at the same time.  It was completely unsustainable, but it’s the way I’d lost weight, every time, since my first “diet,” at 15, when I lost a stone the sensible way, by calories in v calories out.  What my 15-year-old self knew, was that fad diets just don’t work – at all.  Somehow, along the way, I forgot how to be sensible.  And now you know why I make so many soups….

Me (1 of 1)As of now, I’m 83 pounds down, and with only 17 to go until my gain started, probably around 2009/2010, I’m eyeing up being back to the weight I was at 15, as I can see me getting there this time round.  I’m conscious that I will have to eat at this level for what is possibly the rest of my life, eating around the 1200 calorie mark, but I can live with that.  What I struggled with is gaining at 1000 and less, as people just didn’t believe me, so I’d hibernate away from the world more and more, until I became a virtual recluse, only going out the front door when it was absolutely necessary or for people who knew me through the gain.  For people I hadn’t seen for years, I made every excuse under the sun to avoid seeing them.  Ok, I know it’s a flattering picture from a night out, but hey, after all this weight loss, I deserve a little bit of flattery. 🙂

The one thing people don’t tell you when they’re really fat, is how much of a struggle it is to get through daily life.  Just tying shoelaces is a near impossibility, as is bending down to pick things up from the floor.  And the shame, when you’re the fattest person in a room is simply incredible, if you feel all sorts of negative emotions around being overweight, which I do.  My father in law died, and the only thing I could get on my expanded backside was a pair of dark coloured jeans, that were so tight that I felt they were cutting me in half.  I saw the half lopsided eye sliding people, even though I wore what looked like a suit jacket to cover up a bit, but I suspect many people thought my wearing jeans was disrespectful, but I’d no choice in it.  I’d convinced myself that “something” would fit, and on the day, when I tried to find something……there was nothing.  It was put on the jeans or not go, and that wasn’t an option for a family member.

I’ve declined to go to two funerals of people I should have gone to, simply because I couldn’t face people seeing how fat I’d got.  I always pulled childcare duty, going out of my way to do it, in an excuse to be busy, and have a reason not to go.

Then, we’d have someone like the TV personality who gained and lost weight to “prove,” how lazy us fatties were, and I’d feel even worse about myself, and possibly eat something that took me over my very low maintenance level, and that would make it even worse again.

It’s safe to say, that I’ve lost more years than I care to think of recently, due to the wobbly blubber that I laid down under my skin.

So – extreme weight loss…. Yep, that’s what it’s called.  I qualify for that now, but I’ve still got possibly a fair few to go, before I try to reach my age 15 weight…….  I think I’ll aim for the 100 mark, then see where I go from there.  At the 100lb mark, is where people used to tell me I was too thin, despite still being past the middle section of the BMI chart.  I’ve also started C25K, using the NHS running app, and have lost inches that don’t correspond to the numbers on the scale, so I’m getting slowly smaller, despite not losing so much recently.

The big ho ha, is people I’ve not seen for months, for whom, I’ve dropped almost 6 stone, and they say nothing………  I’m never sure whether to laugh or not.  Perhaps they’re scared to say anything in case I pile it back on again. 🙂

Anyway, that’s where I’m at, and why this blog is turning so foodie.  Food is becoming something I enjoy very much now that I can eat more than I used to, but making healthy choices has become a big part of my life, with some treats thrown in.

My youngest has joined me in doing Couch to 5K, and we’re muddling along nicely, despite my fibromyalgia that means my feet often suffer.  Hopefully they get better with time, and I did the first weeks wearing Fitflop trainers…  Nothing else would do, but I’ve now got myself proper ones, and I’m really pleased that one of my boys has joined me in doing it.

The last part of my weight seems to be taking an age to shift.  I only lost 1lb in the last three weeks, so it’s going to take a while.

There, I’ve done it.  So, now you all know…

Love and light,


ps, ginger tea for weight loss tends to get mentioned a lot.  Make your own mind up about it.


17 thoughts on “I’ve a confession to make.

  1. My friend, you’ve done so well and you look again like the photo of you I have from 2007. I’m beyond proud. I remember when the two of us were both trying for that 100 lb mark. You look great!

    1. I still have a way to go, thanks. We don’t chat nearly enough these days. x

  2. HI hun,

    I was diagnosed type 2 diabetic last week and at 320lb I have decided to start the lchf diet with the Diabetic Uk website. The prospect of being able to lose the dependency on meds and stave off the onset of the severe complications associated with diabetes means it’s a no brainer if I can do it.

    I implore any of the other readers to seriously consider trying, or at least looking into their diet and to consider a low carb high fat if you carry weight and/or are potentially prospective diabetes candidates. The benefits can be massive if you can master it.

    I’ve just got the ok to start it from the Doc so it’s only the start of my struggle so to speak.

    I don’t have the added problem of the issues with my thyroid so I am grateful for that but I’ve lost dramatically in the past via Slimingworld so I am confident I can do again.

    I’m really pleased you’ve done so well getting down to your goal weight but as you say there can be as much difficulty in maintaining your weight as there is getting it off in the first place.

    Just know that you are not on your own and if you are getting low or struggling that there’s loads of support and help out there, (I’ve found the Diabetic Forum really helpful and supportive, though confusing at times) and you are not alone. If I can I’ll help if you need anything or just want to vent your frustration.

    Anyway, be proud of what you have achieved and stay focused on the important things going forward.

    Love and light,

    Stan Haver


    1. Hi Stan, I’m pretty well under control with my diabetes now, with my highest for months being about 7.2 when I ate too much dried mango in one sitting. I tend to walk it off when mine goes up now. I did very low carb in the beginning, and although it worked beautifully, I couldn’t sustain that low levels of carbs indefinitely. I’ve cut out bread almost completely. I might eat a slice once a months or so now, and have got used to it and indulge in the odd bit of pizza and sometimes some rice, but not a lot. I get most of my carbs from fruit and veg, with the odd chip or two thrown in. I keep mine below about 90 a day in total if possible, and I can keep my blood sugar pretty level on that now. It’s taken a while and I had to lose the weight to be able to increase my carb count. When I was heavier, the amount of carbs I eat now, would have sent my blood sugar roaring. I did test a lot though, so now I know the foods which are kind to me, and they’re not always the ones I expected to do it.

      This isn’t a diet to me, as I had to find a way of eating that I can sustain forever, and low carb forever isn’t it for me, but I’m still much lower carb than the average person. I guess I’m low carb as opposed to very low carb, especially with dates and dried mango as my sweet treats of choice now. Smoothies and soups are my very favourite friends. Good luck with your journey Stan. I am on the diabetes website, and found it helpful last year to get started, but My Fitness Pal has been my go to tool to manage it. I’ve accepted that I’ll log almost for life now. It’s a great way for accountability, even on treat days, as I can see at a glance what I’ve had, and I test new foods to see what they do to me. My meter has been my other must have to manage my condition.

      Thanks for your comment, and let me know how you get on.

      1. Hi Lesĺey,
        I can’t believe how positive I feel already. I am awaiting my meter which the doc said I should get a week on Thursday but I can literally see my tummy getting smaller when I eat unless I have some carbs and it bloats back up again.

        I don’t know if I’m just lucky so far but I don’t crave the carbs at all and feel better the fewer I have but I know it’s early days and until I can map out what my body reacts to through more detailed monitoring it’s going to be up and down a bit really.

        The frustrating problem I have at the moment is I have had a virus that I cant shake (it’ll be 4 weeks this Thursday) and it is massively fatiguing me to the extent that I am physically unable to I feel like everything is on hold a bit until I can.

        I’ve had the doctor ok the diet so that is good but I seriously can’t see me eating as many carbs as the 120-150kg suggested in the program I am undertaking. Like you I think that best way for me will be a very low carb to start and then minimal carbs thereafter once I have my Bg down and stabilised.
        I’m sort of learning without the monitoring at the moment by just how dreadful I feel after a meal. I am struggling to eat some of my soups, root veg based at the moment, but I realise that once the BG is under control I will be able to have them in moderation.

        I tolaly agree that it’s not the need to go on a diet but it’s a need to take control of our personal diet and matching it to our lives and illness requires.

        I’ll most certainly keep you bulletined and wish you all the luck going forward.

        Love and light,


  3. Although I don’t know you, I feel so proud of what you have achieved. I have had to watch calories all my life since at 20 I gained 3 stone after 1 year of marriage. Now at 83 I am 10 stone but have bad arthritis in my hands and feet but I really do tand. Well done dear keep up the good work and enjoylife. Good luck

    1. Thank you Patricia. Enjoying life is what it’s all about. I wish you the very best with your arthritis, as that can’t be easy to live with.


  4. Wow. So pleased that you found the answer and are doing so well.
    But, I think it’s awful that you felt so low when you were struggling to get control of your weight. Something’s gone very wrong when people are made to feel ashamed of being unwell.
    Being overweight never meant that you were a different person, and I am very sorry that you felt so judged. It seems sad to me that you had that feeling at your Father in law’s funeral, when the only thing you should have to worry about is getting through the day.
    I’m glad that you are feeling more in control of your body now, but I am sorry you felt you had to hide being overweight. It must have been such a difficult time.

    1. Hi Rosemary

      How I felt was all in my head really, although I know my kids got teased about their fat mum for a while. I’m not super slim, but I’m at a weight now where they don’t have to listen to other kids using my weight as a way to get to them. I do struggle to accept that people who are very overweight are happy. I can’t understand how, as life is so much more difficult to live with excess weight. I don’t ever feel disgusted by them as I did about myself, but I do empathise with how many daily tasks will be difficult for them. I couldn’t imagine carrying 6 stone of weight around with me now, but I did it for every step of every day. Goodness knows how. Perhaps that’s why I’m managing the C25K, as my legs were probably quite muscly under the flab, to be able to carry me for all the walking I did, and I did a lot then too.

      Thanks for your lovely comment.


  5. Well done you, you’ve done amazingly. I can’t believe some people haven’t commented, how rude of them. Maybe they don’t want to hurt your feelings for how you looked before? You should be very proud of yourself.

    1. Thanks. The funny one is often those who begin to tell me what I need to do, or change to lose weight…. I think I’ve got that covered now 🙂 Or those who say I’ve lost enough now, when my doctor is very happy with where I am and happy for me to lose more. It’s a weird old world.


  6. Well, how fabulous are you?! I’m so sorry that you had such a tough time, so sad that you hid yourself away but so delighted that you have reached for the light and done SO much! Utterly fabulous (and yay to writing about food, I’ve swung that way too )

    1. Hi Chris

      Thanks for commenting. I just felt so bad about myself that I let it stop me living my life properly. It’s daft, but shame does funny things to us I think, and I was ashamed of my weight. I doubt anyone else really cared much though, it was a self inflicted punishment 🙂 I’m enjoying food so much more now that I can eat more, so loving putting it on the blog. It’s difficult when our kids grow, to share too much isn’t it?


  7. Wow well done you. So glad you discovered why your weight kept going up. You must feel fabulous now

    1. Thanks Becky. I’m feeling so much better, and hoping for even more with the last lot of blubber to go. I’m getting impatient with it a little, and having to reign myself in to health rather than weight loss.


  8. That sounds incredibly tough. I’ve put on weight I didn’t expect or understand in the last 3 months and I’m hating having to be so careful of what I eat. Love to hear more about your soups.

    1. Hiya

      Thanks. My soup journey began with the Morphy Richards. I used to make pot soups, but when my mum came to live with us and her dementia worsened, finding time to watch the stove became impossible, hence I started building up an ever growing bank of soup recipes, which I’m sharing on two blogs and now as e-books, the first of which is up and running, and I’m really pleased with it, given that I had zero budget to do it with. Who’d have thought losing weight would have started such an obsession…


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