For those who’ve asked, a little update on my mum. When we got her home from hospital on the last occasion, it was a huge shock to us all. She’d been away for nearly 3 months, absolutely miserable in hospital in a rehab ward, and it took us a while to adjust. Even more sadly, we had an absolutely rubbish care agency in, which did nothing, wouldn’t take her to the toilet, and insisted they were just a sitter service. They told all sorts of lies, and we were held to ransom for what felt like forever. These were the people who were meant to be helping us.
My poor mother was strip searched twice, as I insisted on her whole body being checked. If my mother had even one bruise, I don’t know how it would have gone, but as it was, they alleged unexplained new bruising, and there was none at all found. Then we were accused of locking mum in her room, when her room doesn’t lock from the inside at all. You can lock yourself out, but you can’t lock someone in.
There was no care plan, and I wasn’t allowed to talk to the carers and find out how she’d been while I was out. It’s no joke. Absolutely shocking behaviour. They were in my house, and I wasn’t allowed to ask them how my mum is, when she lives with us and is fully dependent….. Someone obviously has a god complex or likes the attention making allegations gets.
We were forced to keep having them in until the investigation was over, and told if we refused them access, it would go against us as part of the investigation. Yes, you did read that right…
We had weeks more of them coming in, knowing someone had made completely unfounded allegations against us, and, at the time, not knowing if it was the carers themselves. My poor mum was asked where she wanted to live. It gave me great pleasure that she told them to “get lost,” when she was asked if she’d like to go and live somewhere else. In the midst of all this, people I thought were friends, disappeared, and the only person who answered when I needed help, was the one other person who has as much to do as I do.
We could prove the allegations were false. I still have hairs that raise on the back of my neck when I think how it could have gone if she had any new bruising at all. Very few older people have no bruising, so I am well aware how it was just pure luck. In the investigation, I couldn’t understand why someone would allege unexplained new bruising and not say where the bruising was. I am very aware now, that it’s very likely they couldn’t say where it was, as they were just banking on an older woman having some new bruising somewhere.
Who I most feel sorry for, is the potential for other people who have to try and defend themselves against allegations like that, but cannot prove them wrong, as their elder has some bruising. False allegations mean that some poor person being abused could get missed, and people who have done nothing wrong, are treated badly. And that’s not to mention the effect on the elder, who has to go through examinations and questioning, and upset relatives trying to get through the day.
Anyway, we did manage to end the awful care agency, and got a great one, and sadly for mum, a few weeks later, she had a stroke. She’s been in hospital for a month now, and we’re trying to get her home. She has lost the use of one side of her body, but she still eats well. We’re moving her to a room downstairs, so that she’s easier to keep an eye on, and lets carers still take her out for a walk. When carers are on their own with her, they wouldn’t be able to get her downstairs, as we’re told they don’t want her using the stair lift anymore.
She’s bearing up well considering, and we’re keen to have her back. Social work have gone quite a long way to help us with care for her returning. Hospitals are no place for someone with dementia. They’re boring as heck. None of the elder wards she’s been in, even has a TV they can watch, at a distance they can see. There’s one tiny one in the whole of her ward. She’s still fairly bright most of the time, and still loves her food. Roll on home time.