I guess this is rather a personal post. We’ve had a lot thrown at us in the last couple of months that we weren’t expecting. Teenage years have left a firm imprint on my brain as one child copes with brain damage in the unforgiving community, but we’ve suddenly been thrown into a bigger quandry.
We decided to take a last minute holiday with our camper van. The weather was a disaster in the North of France, so we headed South and kept driving until we reached the Med. It was fabulous for the boys as they’ve never had a sunshine holiday where the water is warm before.
I’m glad we did it as we’re unlikely to be able to do that again. I’ve come home to find out my mother, who had begun the descent into dementia, is no longer able to control her medication, insulin, nor remember what she’s doing from one hour to the next. She was a mess when I got back, even though my brother came in every day. She’s a very introverted woman and refuses contact with people outside the family and as she lives with us, the extra hours a day is becoming difficult to manage with the boys already.
My dad, who I don’t really know very well, has also quickly descended from mild dementia to 24 hour paranoia, but the hospital is nearly 90 miles away and impossible to get to often. He’s hopefully moving to a geriatric psychiatric unit where he can be monitored 24/7, but I can’t go down there often. I can’t leave my mum here alone without some good planning.
My first comment to one of the nurses was ‘there lies my future,’ at which point she looked quite shocked. I’ve done quite a lot of research on dementia and thankfully, both my parents got to eighty before theirs deteriorated. I have to hope that continuing to be creative, researching and writing will help keep my own brain active as I grow older.
Both of my parents were very stale with using their brains for a long time. My mum would read, but she lacked external company. She shunned the world for her family, and my father was never known to read a book.
That all pales into insignificance with the knowledge that both my parents are very mobile wanderers. I’m finding it tough right now to cope with it all, but I’m planning turning my lemons into lemonade and swimming madly in the sugary water.
I know, that in time, I’ll miss having them around and I might even face putting my mum into a home, but she’s not strong enough to cope with it and I don’t want to do that.
This week, I’m looking for ways to get help in my home. Unfortunately, everyone keeps looking at me as if it’s my responsibility as she lives with us, but I don’t want to end up resenting her for the extra work.
I’ll do what I have to do with a smile on my face, but I don’t have to like it. Yes, I know that sounds selfish.
I feel better for letting it all out. I’m not fishing for comments, but if you wish to say something, please feel free.