I am putting this post up as a result of something I saw on twitter yesterday.
This IS my space, and I am not falling out with anyone because of it, but I’d like to set the record straight about some things and hopefully it gets taken in the right vein, as a mainly educational post, although it does have a hint of rant.
I do feel that we can all learn from the things that we read and see, and it makes one person more understanding as a result, then I have done what I need to.
We all need to learn to live with each other, and have a responsibility to try to understand why things might happen, and not just jumping to conclusions. I don’t want to make this a difficult park to play in, but it does need addressing.
In summary a little girl, about 6 or so was being effectively called names because she did something childish and upset another child. It was a simple enough start, but the reactions were a tad ridiculous.
The parents were blamed, the sibling was mentioned as a possible blame factor, and the girl was seen as a future pariah. This was someone else’s 6-year-old girl people were talking about – NOT a willfully angst ridden teenager sitting in a jail cell.
I didn’t want to get into the timeline and talk about it, because that might have ended up with me getting a good amount of hate tweets, and I would probably have posted on my soap box. I did say that I didn’t like it and I did stop reading my timeline for a while so that I didn’t have to see any more.
We can call our own children what we like, but we shouldn’t jump to such ridiculous conclusions about other people we have never met.
I can tell you a little bit about BEING a parent who is blamed so easily… And don’t even get me started on people blaming a sibling. Is there such a word as familyist, or siblingist, because there should be?
I AM one of those parents who gets the blame – often….
I have been called that, pretty much since the day I adopted my boys. My boys struggle a bit with etiquette, expectations, body language and just plain old sentences that don’t literally mean what they say. That’s not their fault, or mine, yet I am constantly derided as I “MUST” be one of those parents who swear at their kids, as one of mine swears as much as any Coprolalia Tourette’s sufferer.
I don’t swear – I never have. How does that make me, or people like me feel, being judged to be the cause of my sons swearing by people who live in their little sheltered bubbles and have never had to deal with neglect, abuse or disability on a daily basis?
My 3 year child once told a woman of at least 25 stone she was “fat”. He asked her what she ate to get so fat. She accused me of bringing him up badly as that was obviously what I thought before he said it. Hmmmmmm. My ventriloqy act must be getting better.
Instead of blaming the family, could we start looking at daily influences on our children.
The TV programmes with the kids in them, all tantrumming, backchatting, and looking for status. The older children up to 12 + in the playgrounds, of which, probably more than half of them have unrestricted internet and you tube, and could be playing games like Grand Theft Auto. They really DO pick up on all of that you know.
And we may like to think our little angels don’t know swear words, but if they are in a school playground, believe me they do, they just don’t repeat them in front of you, but they know them. The problem is that some children are more mature in their actions and abilities at younger ages than others (both boys and girls). It’s not wrong, it’s the diverse world that we live in – but adults have to accept those influences and guide that, so that children have a chance to grow up as responsible adults.
The Government is even getting in on it – and this idea of making a parent responsible for a child at secondary, or senior school not attending. Well excuse me for putting a spanner in the works, but how are some teensy little mums going to do it? You know, those ones who are over shadowed by 6 footer sons who’ve been told that they can do what they like by the telly, friends, leaders, and that they have “rights” to choose how they live. THEN, in the recklessness of youth, they decide they’re not going to go to school, because what’s the point, there’s no jobs for them anyway. How are some mums going to get them to school? Could you drag a 6 footer kicking and screaming to school?
It’s all the same thing, blame the parents as a whole and don’t look at the individual circumstances.
What about the possibility that the girl is having a terrible time, or that she could be under stress, or that she needs support and isn’t getting it? What about the possibility that she is upset about something and has taken it out on another child that she is comfortable enough with to show it to.
Yes, there are times when it “could” be the parents, but why judge someone as a bad parent when you don’t know if it is true.
My point is that the responders had no idea of any of the background, or the child, and had no way of knowing what caused an incident, and certainly had no reason to blame the parents or the siblings for it.
It was a very sad conversation, and hopefully by reading this, people will think a little more before dismissing a whole family in one fell swoop.
Lets all just imagine ourselves in the shoes of the 6 year olds mum. One day, that mum could be YOU.
Comments are open – feel free to add one, whatever your point of view. I have a steel helmet on today.