Yes, I have. Through stress, and under active thyroid and diabetes, over the spell of a few years, I gained a bunch of weight, and I mean a whole bunch.
100lbs if I’m to be exact.
Last June, I was diagnosed and put on meds for my diabetes and for my underactive thyroid. The thought of losing a limb or going blind terrified me, but the possibility of losing was daunting. I’d reached as low a point as I could go.
Yet, I didn’t really share. How could I? I met many of my fellow bloggers in 2011, in London, but have not met any since.
My circle has shrunk and shrunk, and while my kids are part of the reason, they’re not the reason I turned down a lovely TV company on their offer of being part of something awesome. My weight gain was also the reason there have been so few photos of me over the last few years. I’ve avoided the camera like the proverbial plague.
So, last June 2015, I kick started my change. To stay alive and keep my limbs, I needed to get in control of my life. Having my thyroid balanced again made a huge difference, and instead of maintaining and often gaining at sometimes calorie levels of 800-1000 a day, suddenly, eating 1200 calories a day meant I was losing weight which helps with the diabetes.
Having a medical condition may have been responsible for me gaining weight, but I have still had to put the work in to lose it, and it’s been a long haul so far.
I’ve lost weight in the past, pre online diet websites, and I used to track using a spreadsheet. This time round, I took My Fitness Pal seriously, and it’s free, so I had nothing to lose by starting to log my food. I started off being majorly stupid. Going down to 300-400 calories a day, and all low carb at the same time. It was completely unsustainable, but it’s the way I’d lost weight, every time, since my first “diet,” at 15, when I lost a stone the sensible way, by calories in v calories out. What my 15-year-old self knew, was that fad diets just don’t work – at all. Somehow, along the way, I forgot how to be sensible. And now you know why I make so many soups….
As of now, I’m 83 pounds down, and with only 17 to go until my gain started, probably around 2009/2010, I’m eyeing up being back to the weight I was at 15, as I can see me getting there this time round. I’m conscious that I will have to eat at this level for what is possibly the rest of my life, eating around the 1200 calorie mark, but I can live with that. What I struggled with is gaining at 1000 and less, as people just didn’t believe me, so I’d hibernate away from the world more and more, until I became a virtual recluse, only going out the front door when it was absolutely necessary or for people who knew me through the gain. For people I hadn’t seen for years, I made every excuse under the sun to avoid seeing them. Ok, I know it’s a flattering picture from a night out, but hey, after all this weight loss, I deserve a little bit of flattery. 🙂
The one thing people don’t tell you when they’re really fat, is how much of a struggle it is to get through daily life. Just tying shoelaces is a near impossibility, as is bending down to pick things up from the floor. And the shame, when you’re the fattest person in a room is simply incredible, if you feel all sorts of negative emotions around being overweight, which I do. My father in law died, and the only thing I could get on my expanded backside was a pair of dark coloured jeans, that were so tight that I felt they were cutting me in half. I saw the half lopsided eye sliding people, even though I wore what looked like a suit jacket to cover up a bit, but I suspect many people thought my wearing jeans was disrespectful, but I’d no choice in it. I’d convinced myself that “something” would fit, and on the day, when I tried to find something……there was nothing. It was put on the jeans or not go, and that wasn’t an option for a family member.
I’ve declined to go to two funerals of people I should have gone to, simply because I couldn’t face people seeing how fat I’d got. I always pulled childcare duty, going out of my way to do it, in an excuse to be busy, and have a reason not to go.
Then, we’d have someone like the TV personality who gained and lost weight to “prove,” how lazy us fatties were, and I’d feel even worse about myself, and possibly eat something that took me over my very low maintenance level, and that would make it even worse again.
It’s safe to say, that I’ve lost more years than I care to think of recently, due to the wobbly blubber that I laid down under my skin.
So – extreme weight loss…. Yep, that’s what it’s called. I qualify for that now, but I’ve still got possibly a fair few to go, before I try to reach my age 15 weight……. I think I’ll aim for the 100 mark, then see where I go from there. At the 100lb mark, is where people used to tell me I was too thin, despite still being past the middle section of the BMI chart. I’ve also started C25K, using the NHS running app, and have lost inches that don’t correspond to the numbers on the scale, so I’m getting slowly smaller, despite not losing so much recently.
The big ho ha, is people I’ve not seen for months, for whom, I’ve dropped almost 6 stone, and they say nothing……… I’m never sure whether to laugh or not. Perhaps they’re scared to say anything in case I pile it back on again. 🙂
Anyway, that’s where I’m at, and why this blog is turning so foodie. Food is becoming something I enjoy very much now that I can eat more than I used to, but making healthy choices has become a big part of my life, with some treats thrown in.
My youngest has joined me in doing Couch to 5K, and we’re muddling along nicely, despite my fibromyalgia that means my feet often suffer. Hopefully they get better with time, and I did the first weeks wearing Fitflop trainers… Nothing else would do, but I’ve now got myself proper ones, and I’m really pleased that one of my boys has joined me in doing it.
The last part of my weight seems to be taking an age to shift. I only lost 1lb in the last three weeks, so it’s going to take a while.
There, I’ve done it. So, now you all know…
Love and light,