A phone call last week was enough to tip me over the edge and unreasonably decide to withdraw from the parent council, and all after school activities. My piqué reached such ridiculously epic proportions, that I am seriously considering moving to a whole new local authority for my kids schooling since the shire seems to have a better reputation for helping kids with special needs than the city does. That is probably just a rumour.
The lead council officers who knew the real score of what happened when he was out of school for a year have left. You can read about it Part 1 and Part 2 if you have plenty of time. The powers to be acknowledged but refused to document the truth. Funny how they don’t put it in writing when they are in the wrong. With them away, there is only his ex Head Teacher from Part 2 with a grudge to give educational background to the new officers. We have no chance.
The damage schooling has done to my boy is incredible so far. Instead of just having a disability, he now has confidence and mental health issues on top of it all. Being rejected by two schools so far in his life and heading down the route of his third school is simply ridiculous.
His crime? To be affected by his birth mothers alcohol problem.
He needs 1:1 support when time is not structured. He cannot control his emotions or his feelings in a crowd, or where he can run free. Adrenalin from exercise affects his brain to such an extent that he is unreasonable and loses control. The lid doesn’t come down to cap off the manic edge. Medicine can only do so much, and with a 1:1 he is NEVER any problem as he can be guided and removed from any danger.
Getting a phone call from his current special school knocked me for six. Struggling with his behaviour at lunch times, he is under threat of short exclusions beginning. It’s a slippery road. They don’t have enough staff to be able to give him a 1:1 to see him through lunch times so I may be required to come and take him home for lunch every day.
Yes, I am being selfish as I want more out of life than to have to constantly run around after a child who should be getting his educational needs met by our local authority. I need more from life than just existing day-to-day in the way that so many parents of behaviourally challenged special needs children do.
It’s not my fault that they don’t have enough staff, and it’s not his fault they don’t have enough staff, yet it’s the two of us who suffer the consequences of education cuts every time. On school reports, there is a section that is ticked for if the parents have “been supportive” of the school plans. I guess if I don’t agree with them when it gets to the point they exclude, I’ll be classed as a bad parent with the tick box for being unsupportive.
It’s actually illegal to exclude for actions arising from a child’s disability, but local authorities always seem to have enough money to get rid of us. Perhaps Aberdeen is just a bad example of how to deal with disability, but I am sick to death of being either blamed or punished by the local authority for having the gall to adopt three children who need more support than the regular 2.4 child.
Middle boys only fault is that he doesn’t “look” disabled enough to get any sympathy. It’s all in the brain damage.
It looks like I may need to dig out my boxing gloves again. Who’s got a very big punch bag?
Sorry to hear you’re going through this again. I understand when you say how damaging education has been to your boy. Its the same with my two children. The have lost confidence and self esteem and my son has developed mental health problems as a result of his diabolical education. Sometimes I wonder if I’m also being selfish fighting for my children’s education but I will continue to fight as I also think it is the duty of the state to provide an appropriate education for all children. I shouldn’t be forced to become a full time carer and rehabilitate my children because the education system has failed – its just not right. I wish you well with your fight. Deb xx
It’s so frustrating to this this stuff is all over and he’s in a good school and for it to start again. Given they know the history, I am surprised about it, but nothing I can do apart from dig my heels in and deal with it when it comes. So sad so many kids developing mental health issues on top of their disabilities. As if they’ve not got enough to be going on with. Good luck to you too. xx
Sorry to hear that you are back there again. It’s such a short time since he got back into school.
Will phone you Lou. Speak tomorrow possibly. x
I heard a few similar stories since starting AAUK & it’s heart breaking how areas are so different! We’re so lucky in stoke on Trent, it has it’s own ASD support centre/team where you can go anytime or the schools can for info & support, yet surrounding areas nothing!
This is where we all need to raise awareness & get these centres all over the UK but its gonna take a hell of a long time.
I’ve heard of people moving areas to get support but why should people have too!
It is heartbreaking when it happens. Nobody wins.
Been there. It’s tough! Found it helped our plight when the Educational Psychologist got involved. Keep smiling
Will be trying ours. I’ve not met the latest one yet. This should be fun.
What a total drag – hope it all works out for you
TY x
Oh this is just absolutely disgraceful beyond belief. They are living way behind the present times and I honestly don’t blame you for feeling the need to move. I’m actually stuck for words. The cuts are affecting families dealing with disabilities more than anyone yet we are supposed to pick up the pieces every time. It’s so very, very wrong.
CJ x
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Is madness to start again after last year. Such a disappointment as I thought he was well placed with people who could cope. I guess I know better now.
Sorry to hear that. Know someone who moved out from city to Alford for that very reason…
I am not surprised. x
I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. Getting an education is something we expect for our kids. Good luck.
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It’s unreasonable, unfair and a false economy in the long run. It is written into Ireland’s constitution that every child has a right to an education, which is how I got my daughter into a school. My son is fine for now, but there is no secondary school in Ireland that I can find that caters properly for his needs – aspergers +high IQ – you have to go with one or the other
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We have a right to education, but only as far as their budget allows. Legal responsibility is actually quite shockingly low from what I have been learning. Sorry you are going to face issues soon with schooling too. It shouldn’t be happening like this these days. x
Struggling to believe it all. Your boy clearly meeds the time and attention he is not receiving at school.Get those boxing gloves out and hope you get what is right for him x
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I thought it was all over, but it seems the boundaries of punish the parent looms close again. Boxing gloves at the ready….
You are not being unreasonable. I wish I had the answer for you honey. I don’t have the same experience. But for God’s sake, you have adopted three children with special needs and you deserve all the support you can get. Get out those boxing gloves. Shout from the rooftops. Make a fuss. If there’s anything I can do to help, let me know. D xxxx
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Thanks, talking about it makes all the difference. Too many people keep it bottled up and never say anything, which I think makes it harder. Am distancing myself from school over the next few weeks to see how it goes, then will go in and see them. Take my time over it. I knew his behaviour was deteriorating on coming home from school, so now I know why. Thanks Donna x
I am so sorry that your boy is suffering, and so are you. It’s ridiculous that they haven’t got a lunch time solution. I do hope one can be found that doesn’t involve you giving up your time to ferry him backwards and forwards for lunch, that won’t help either of you.
I have a friend about to embark on this journey in the same city as you, with her little boy and then her daughter, it’s most worrying.
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It depends on the disabilities your friends children have. Some are well looked after and especially if they are physically or visibly mentally disabled. I’m hoping it all gets sorted out, but I won’t hold my breath for it. If her kids are autistic, she might have a better chance of early support than mine did.
So sorry to hear it I know its hard to be in that situation.Be strong for everything.